I Come to Praise the Dead: A Kind and Gentle Man

The first time that I met Mr. J was at a used car dealership in Arlington Virginia. I was in love with his daughter and had somehow convinced her to be my girlfriend. I was going to be meeting Mr. and Mrs. J and I was nervous. Let's see: their daughter was now involved in an interracial relationship with a woman. I just wasn't expecting a warm greeting. Her folks were buying her a car and she forced me to go along. And, just like that I loved them and they loved me.

At 90 years old Mr. J's life came to the kind of end befitting him and his spirit; telling jokes and laughing with his daughter in the emergency room, telling her he was ready when the doctor said the end was very near. There was never any question about us being there to mark his passing. I even shared personal information with my boss that I never would have, except to explain why I had to attend his funeral. Mr. and Mrs. J were like extra grandparents to my daughter when she was little. And, on the first birthday I had after my own parents died within 6 months of each other, it was Mr. and Mrs. J who gave me a parental happy-birthday-call. This call (which broke my heart with tenderness) even came years after their daughter and I stopped being spouses.

 I was driving our little contingent to his funeral at Arlington National Cemetery in my daughter's car (my daughter, her daughter, and me). In the traffic circle leading up to the entrance I disobeyed the lane arrows (poorly marked I should add) and was motioned over by the police officer who was waiting for someone to do the exact thing that I did. But, I smiled at him and was unafraid and really nice. I got a warning. It didn't matter.

My daughter and I stood with the rest of the family and friends of this most excellent, shining example of what can be done with the chance at life. Such a fine example of humanity that when the naval chaplain uttered the words, "a kind and gentle man" all heads nodded in agreement. As my daughter and I shed our tears my granddaughter turned to each of us to give comfort.

I was honored to be there and blessed to have known him.