It's Not You. It's Me. Really.

On a regular basis (not quite every day but lately more than I'd like) I have the strong urge to smack somebody up side the head. Whoo, thank the Divine for even the tiniest bit of self control. I have to admit it has served me pretty well for many years.

I can recall when I was 15 and opened up a can of WhoopAss on my younger sister. But (thanks to Divine assistance) did not drain it dry. What I remember most is how everything took on a magenta tint. Yes, I actually saw red. I pretty much scared her (and myself a little) into a new way of interacting with me.

Since that chaotic night I have: 1) just barely managed to avoid a school yard melee, 2) run someone down with my car, 3) walked away from two fist fights I was totally willing to have, 4) been part of a barroom scrap, and 5) followed a man half a city block yelling and scaring him. If I told you the story behind each of these adventures you'd probably agree that I had my reasons and they were understandable. Just the same, it bears repeating - whoo, thank the Divine for even the tiniest bit of self control because without it all of these would have been worse, details-at-11 worse.

Now, when the head smacking urge is coming upon me it's different than it was back in the day. There are so many reasons for the difference that it's kind of miraculous. I attribute it to growing older, accepting responsibility for my own life, learning to let go, and asking with each breath during my daily prayers and meditation to be more like God. 

I figure if The Source Of All is the source of all then it is my source. I am essentially Divine. But I suffer from spiritual memory lapses. Fundamentally, my prayer to be more like God is a humble prayer to better remember where I come from and who I am. Who I really am. So, I forgive the transgressions that inspire my lower tendencies. I forgive because the act of forgiving is the reminder for which I have prayed . I forgive because I know that I can. Forgiveness is a choice to which I can always marry myself. I forgive because I have been forgiven.

 The Forgiveness Project

Forgiving is like magic. In a breath, in a heartbeat I get transformed each and every time that I forgive. Each time that I forgive (myself and others) it's the real me, the little piece of The Source Of All whose nickname is my name, waving and smiling. At least that's how I picture it.